humor · Silversteinery · speed-posts

Where the Sidecar Ends (from the Momplex Blog archives)

Come with me, to the bottom of the glass
Where you’re smart and you’re funny and you’ve got a great ass
Where you can’t smell the diapers and can hear your own thoughts
Where your shirt is not covered in spit-up or Mott’s.

Come with me, to the bottom of the glass,
Where there’s room for gray areas and space to be crass,
Where you no longer care what is stuck to your floor,
Be it beans, spuds, or remnants from last year’s Yom Kippur

Come with me, to the bottom of the glass
Where you don’t have to face off with bedhead or sass
And you’re light years away from today’s kinder din,
Come quick, though! Tomorrow’s today yet again.

humor · potty talk · speed-posts

Undisciplined (from the Momplex Blog archives)

We all know from the rule books what good discipline basically requires:
It’s best not to carry on long diatribes explaining your consequences.
Discipline should be delivered swiftly and end with a dose of grace.
Time-outs wear out if you use them to much, as do naughty steps.
If you choose to spank, know that you’re controversial.
Words can be more painful than a hard, swift swat.
Don’t belabor the point until you’re white noise.
When it’s done, let it really and truly be done.
But I just learned one the rule books missed:
No little kid will take you very seriously
If you punctuate a tongue-lashing,
Eyebrows raised Supernanny style,
Voice stern and words steady,
With an unexpected
Elongated
Fart